never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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