I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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