I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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