It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
