I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
