Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
