Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
