Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
