I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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