your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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