I met the friendliest cop last night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
