the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
