my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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