I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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