you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
