I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
