I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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