I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
