i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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