I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
