I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
