dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
MIDGETS
????
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
