i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
