I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
