my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
