Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
