oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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