Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
