Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
