The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
