i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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