Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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