so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need a beard to bite.
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