Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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