And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
