I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
