the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
