And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No...this little piggys going to the bar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
