Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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