come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
