I wannas sexs uuuuu
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
