i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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