Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
