You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
