I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
