i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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