wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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