Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
