everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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