remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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