1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
