life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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