Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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