I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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