This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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