This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
