I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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