NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
