k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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