I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
