The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
