I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
