just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
