rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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