Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
