naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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