Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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