god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had to cum in my sink.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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