I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
