She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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