no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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