dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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