dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
