there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
time to smoke my breakfast
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
