$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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