ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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