at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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