I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
