Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
