Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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