I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize