tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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