just come out here and I will go home with you...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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