I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
